The Discipline of Devotion is the Antidote to Obsession

I started an unplanned end-of-year ritual today, which was to go through all of my bookmarked tweets and either do something with them, or un-bookmark them to clear space.

It’s a sort of joke that no one EVER looks at their bookmarks, with some exceptions…

Conscientiousness is something I know I am low in when it comes to organization, so when I saw this tweet, I subconsciously decided that I wanted to practice this. That decision manifested itself spontaneously today.

So I got to work…

I replied to or reposted a few things in there, and then I came across this…

OH RIGHT. I bookmarked this one because I wanted to write about it. This distinction by reddy2go punched me right in the gut. At the time, however, I was not ready to write about it.

You know when something just hits TOO close to home and you avert your eyes our of sheer self-preservation?

Yea, that was me when I read this. And then it got even worse…

Well, fuck. This tracks.

Also, a moment of appreciation for the way Visa thinks out loud on twitter. Love it. Love him.

Putting both of these brilliant brains together…

Devotion holds you tenderly…

it is is born of a desire to give.

Obsession holds you hostage…

it is born of a desire to take.

tenderly. give.

hostage. take.

It occurs to me that anyone or anything that we love, can be held tenderly, or held hostage by us.

At the same time, anyone or anything we love, can hold us tenderly or hold us hostage.

The restaurant we love, so we treat ourselves to it sometimes. (giving a treat)

vs

The restaurant we love, so we never go anywhere else. (taking choice away)

The social media site we enjoy, so we use it with boundaries and take breaks. (giving grace and space)

vs

The social media site we love, so we use it to numb out and never leave it. (taking presence and awareness)

The person we adore, so we prioritize what’s best for the relationship. (giving understanding and patience)

vs

The person we adore, so we prioritize whatever will keep them around. (taking their time and attention)

Even if we are sick of the restaurant and want to try other things.

Even if we can’t even take in what we’re scrolling past and want to be more present.

Even if we know the connection isn’t healthy, and want to spread our time and attention to our other relationships. Especially the one with ourselves.

Obsession can be a great starting point, but it has an expiry date.

If you’ve been following since I started this substack, you may remember that I’ve explored this from many angles. Particularly in regards to my creative work, and how it is typically fueled by obsession/mania.

This has not changed for me. Not sure it will (?)

However, what these above distinctions are having me realize is that once obsession hits, it is incredibly important to pause. To pull back. To evaluate what is really transpiring.

• “Hey, we’ve been to this restaurant six times in two weeks. Is this on purpose? Do we want this kind of cadence?”

• “I’ve been getting lost in my phone a lot more lately, perhaps it’s time for a break? What might I spend time on if not this?”

• “This connection is eclipsing all others, maybe we need to get clear on precisely where we’re headed instead of barreling full speed ahead?”

None of the above ask the question: should I stop this forever?

And yet… it’s like we don’t question it at all because we THINK that is the question we would be asking. And then eventually, we have to stop going to the restaurant altogether, take a year off social media, and end the relationship forever. The very act of not stopping to evaluate. Or stopping to evaluate and then carrying on in the exact same manner anyway, WILL eventually lead to a more drastic measure.

Here is my contribution to the original tweet:

Obsession burns.

Devotion builds.

What are we devoted to long-term? What is the bigger picture?

And here is the most VITAL part:

What actions do we need to take/not take in order to achieve that?

And this part requires discipline, because let’s face it, obsession is DELICIOUS.

• The fish tacos and beer.

• The endless dopamine hits from notifications.

• The excitement and validation of a new connection.

All of these things are meeting needs… but they are temporary. Quick fixes. Sugar. Something you can drown in and forget you even exist.

The short-term daily discipline of not over-doing it, of staying present to who you are and what you want… THAT is where results come from. This is true of any worthy goal, from creating an album to learning guitar to building your business around taking people on roller coasters ◡̈

The discipline of devotion is required.

ooh i got a banger wait for it…

The discipline of devotion is the antidote to obsession.

your thoughts???