"What feels most ALIVE to you?"
a living example of writing when i "don't feel like it"
I’m exhausted and was not feeling at all in the mood to write anything, so I texted my new bff…
What feels most alive for me right now?
I need some fucking plants.
Hahahaha, that’s a little on-the-nose, I know… but one of the first intriguing things I learned from Rob Hardy is to ask myself that question at all. What feels alive?
I’m finding it very useful in so many different contexts. I realized that that’s what’s missing for me in many areas… aliveness!!
It dawned on me yesterday that, in my newfound quest to feel more alive, I missed perhaps the most obvious opportunity there is…
Taking on plant mothership.
My mom used to say she has a “black thumb,” or whatever people who kill plants say.
I took this on. Adopted it as my own. Allowed it to become my reality.
However, I DID keep a Pachira from a Brooklyn bodega alive for over a decade, which pokes a hole in the hull of this story-ship.
The idea of having a room full of plants, though? RIDDLES me with anxiety. Why?
Because I am already sure I will kill them.
Because I know how forgetful I am.
Because I don’t even drink enough water myself.
I could go on. The list is building in my mind.
At the same time, I am the mother of an actual human being, and had to get over my aversion to nighttime AND morning routines in order to even exist as a mom.
Thinking back on that, there was a learning curve. I’m pretty sure that my daughter’s THREE cavities she had by the age of six had to do with my shortcomings here (from a habitual as well as hereditary standpoint).
Perhaps, then, there is something to be gained from overcoming this plant hurdle.
I have an office space that I rent. It is beautiful. Sunlit, peaceful, with my favorite colors and very few things on the walls.Treasured items on little shelves, boxes of things I delightfully refuse to ever unpack, a huge comfy chair, a fridge, a tea set and kettle, and a table with four pretty chairs no one ever visits to sit in.
I also have fake flowers there. Have never even attempted real plants.
As I type this, my left wrist is resting on a bright yellow post-it note that I wrote over the weekend during one of my bouts of writing inspiration, and I shit you not, I didn’t realize it was there the entire time I was writing this. I just looked down and saw it…
Today is the day, friends. My office will have more plants by end of day.
Ok, your turn. Do a minute of writing in the comments…
What feels most alive for YOU right now?
you have something to say, i promise…
what feels most alive to me at this current moment is that my comeback to life feels personal. i saw a quote a while ago and it stuck with me. it said something along the lines of i used to to be outgoing and happy to fighting everyday to heal. and i’m on that journey of healing. of getting to be myself again. i am getting ketamine infusions. and they make me feel so alive from the infusion to 3 hours later feeling more motivated and more… like myself. coming out of this heavy fog that’s been here for YEARS. i’m getting to be myself again and that makes me feel so alive… i’m connecting with people i stopped with. i'm making new connections. i’m nurturing current ones. it’s just overall amazing. and i’m so happy i found this therapy. i feel like i can create again. and that has me ecstatic. i can’t wait to see what comes out of me because of this. what i can now bring into this world and share with others. and that…. is priceless.
wow i had no idea what was going to come out when i was like okay give me a minute. an exercise i will use now! thank you for sharing!
What feels most alive to me is probably the fact that I decided to be impulsive recently - I met a friend I made online less than a month ago IRL and decided on a whim to get tickets to go see Stevie Nicks together when she comes into town next month. Literally just felt it was right intuitively and went ahead to take the night off from work for it.
It’ll be my first concert since the pandemic, and with someone who I just immediately clicked with, which is an absolutely invigorating feeling.