I am an “ADHDer”
I’ve got my cool community of fellows who all share experiences. I get to feel not so alone and weird. I keep discovering that new things that I’ve been doing my whole life are actually linked back to my diagnosis.
And I’m starting to get a sneaking suspicion that said diagnosis has outlasted its usefulness.
Before I go any further, if you’re already upset reading that last sentence, you’re not gonna like the rest of this. Maybe. I think. I don’t really know, but if you have any doubts, please feel free to close the tab and move on with your life. *waves bye*
This publication is called “inconvenient epiphanies” because I like to discuss the half-baked potential aha’s I’m having without needing to research and defend their validity beyond, “this is how I’m feeling rn” …so if you’re still here, thanks for adventuring with me :)
As I’ve been devouring ADHD content (mostly on instagram reels) I’ve started having this creeping feeling. It began when I opened the comments on a video and saw more people yelling than agreeing. The argument? Something like: “omg now everything people do is ADHD fuck off this is called being a person!”
Oh.
Is it?
Because in my experience, a lot of the behaviors being described are things I have done repeatedly and with a sense of “out of control-ness” to the point where it has affected my grades, and job performance. Does EVERYONE have ADHD? Am I an idiot for listening to all these videos??? Hmm. Something resonated, but I was mostly feeling the need to defend my position. (defensiveness is a good sign of being over-identified with the label - why can’t we be more fluid? why must we label?)
Then, I saw Mastin Kipp (someone I met many years ago on a video shoot when he was first blowing up, and have followed since) starting to talk about how all diagnoses aren’t a thing, everyone is just having a trauma response. And if you heal your trauma, your “ADHD” symptoms will begin to dissipate.
Hmm. This resonated. Particularly because I’ve done a lot of trauma healing therapy, and have seen some of my own symptoms dissipate.
A few weeks ago, I had a session with a breathwork dude who shared with me his own feelings about ADHD. He said that his father is a medical doctor and that they have been butting heads lately, because he (breathwork dude) does not believe that labels like ADHD are useful for much beyond doctors feeling like they know things. By extension, patients get to feel resolved and like they can trust their doctors. He and his father can’t even talk about this now. He shared that his dad gets extremely defensive and can’t hear his perspective. Hmm. This resonated as well. On many levels.
You won’t find me out protesting big pharma, but I did have an unmedicated home birth, during which I hypnotized myself into feeling pleasure instead of pain. Suffice it to say, when I have a headache, I don’t reach for pills. It’s less of a boycott and more of a deep interest in the body’s ability to heal itself.
All of these things resonate, and yet I am still talking about my ADHD and relating with my buddies.
What about all my buddies?!
I know that much of this stems from my people-pleasing need to fit in and be accepted. (arguably, also a trauma response. lol)
It’s also something I utilize to get through to the coaches that I train who have been diagnosed and feel like they can’t run a business as a result. I like to show them that it’s possible by being the example.
This is perhaps the most insidious part of it all.
I get to do something I love: make people feel like they aren’t alone.
But is it for them, or for me?
Back to the defense thing
Even as I write this, I can feel myself clinging to the diagnosis.
“No, come on, ADHD is a thing. It has helped me immensely to understand myself better and find people like me. It has helped those people so much. Let’s not even have this conversation.”
But here’s the rub…
If I continually label my habits and behaviors as belonging to this ADHD diagnosis, will that help or hinder me in shifting those habits and behaviors?
Honestly, I am split on this!
On the one hand, it is massively helpful to hear tips and tricks, implement them, and have things go differently.
On the other, I suspect that there are things I am not changing because I have mentally decided that THIS IS JUST WHO I AM… and it has gone beyond simple self-acceptance and begun slipping into the realm of relating to myself like a chair.
The Chair Metaphor
You are a human being. Living, breathing, malleable. You are more complex than a chair, and yet you talk about yourself as if you are a chair.
“I’m the kind of chair that…”
And then… you stay that way.
I have watched human beings go from believing tons of things about themselves, to releasing the death grip on their stories/concepts/ideas of self, and stepping into totally new versions.
I KNOW it to be possible.
So… to what degree does it hinder my progress to identify SO HARD with having ADHD?
To what degree am I stuck not changing, because it is now a part of who I AM?
Worse still… it has become part of my brand! 👀
I probably should have used this example sooner, but it’s kind of like how actors get pigeonholed in the same role after achieving fame. Few actors actually move on and transcend the original role that made them famous.
I happen to think that Daniel Radcliffe (of Harry Potter) has done a bang up job of shedding that character. He’s done some serious acting, some weird acting, and a bunch of comedy. I even saw him on broadway… that boy can sing and dance!
In direct contrast to that is Tom Felton (Draco Malfoy) who still leans quite heavily on his connection to Potter… selling Cameos where he says “My father will hear about this,” and appearing regularly at HP cons. Case in point…
I went to meet him and have him sign a poster I made for a piece of fanfiction I wrote. [Draco Malfoy is my favorite character to write]
My big secret? I’m actually not the biggest fan of Tom himself.
Why? Because his reliance on that past role irks me!!!!
Why does it irk me? BECAUSE I DO THE SAME THING WITH MY PREVIOUS YOUTUBE FAME!!!!
It’s not that I don’t like Tom Felton, it’s that I don’t like the part of me I see reflected in him. He’s actually lovely, I’m sure. Also, I’m clearly projecting, and have no idea what’s REALLY going on inside of his heart and mind. And hey… get that bread, boy. Gnome sayin?
Back to the topic (oh man, sorry about my ADHD lol)
I talk about ADHD in my online content a LOT. I know certain people follow me because of this. My comrades! I almost feel like I’m betraying them by even thinking about this.
Consequently… I’ve started and stopped writing this essay MANY times over the last few weeks.
I have a whole google doc with each new attempt. It’s seven pages long. At one point, I pasted it all into chatgpt and asked it to summarize my point:
This was an unhelpful use of chatgpt lol
I think this is happening because I’m unsure of my point. That, and a huge part of me does not want to shed this label. If I look at this in parallel with my past fame, I don’t want to shed that either. A part of me is still clinging.
“Look! I was super relevant once!”
Perhaps the validating nature of a diagnosis is the tricky part. It’s helpful to be validated, but can also become addictive.
It feeds the need to be seen, which is both a very basic human need, and something that is exacerbated by a wound.
Wow, it is massively difficult to write about something while I’m still IN IT.
I welcome your thoughts 🙂 please leave a comment and/or share this with ur homies for further discussion…
lmao at chatgpt"s summary.
that being said, have you thought about the fact that maybe this is actually your ADHD wanting a change in your life?
In my experience, the companies that only focus on a specific area of ironwork, or only have me on a specific "task" are the ones I quit quicker. Even before ironwork, I would quit jobs once I got bored with them and find something else that caught my interest. The longest I've ever worked for a company was 2 years, and that was on and off in high school. I can't see myself ever working for a company for more than a year because I will get bored out of my mind after a few months, if not from the work, then from seeing the same place everyday, or talking to the same people.
You having been in your career for more than 10 years, I think it's absolutely normal to want acknowledgment for something new, or to reflect your current accomplishments rather than former ones. It's like you want your new friends to know of your old accomplishments, but all your old friends to see everything you've accomplished since.
“I get to do something I love: make people feel like they aren’t alone.
But is it for them, or for me?”
Why can’t it be both? That’s the thing about balance, it can be equally true for both cases to exist. Just as long as it stays equally true and it doesn’t lean too hard into one or the other.
I get what you are saying about labels. It’s a conundrum of wanting rules to break, but finding that there’s a whole other list of rules about breaking the rules that it feels tedious to even think about the concept as a whole. I would love to just exist, but the problem is that marginalization of people based on certain things that have been labeled over time to better qualify them and give a sense of purpose and belonging has made it difficult to do that without obligation to fighting for better treatment of those marginalized or who haven’t seen themselves represented. It’s not so much a double-edged sword as it is a very pointy 20-sided die.